


RAGGED

by minjiyoo



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Dark, F/F, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Pining, Romance, Sexual Content, Triggers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:33:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21911320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minjiyoo/pseuds/minjiyoo
Summary: if things keep falling apart, all that is left is stitching the pieces together
Relationships: Kim Yoohyeon/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. CARNELIAN

**Author's Note:**

> READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

The chattering echoed around the closed room, resonating against the walls, loud and clear. Siyeon raised one hand to her head, unsure if she wanted to stop the throbbing pain there or if she just didn't want to hear the noise. 

"And what happened next?" Bora yipped enthusiastically; her hands clasped against her chest. 

"He took me home." 

Siyeon shut her eyes close. She wanted to doze off. She wanted to take a very long sleep and wake up remembering nothing at all. 

"You guys are so fast! Damn!" It was Bora again. Her voice had always been too loud. "Bet you had a fun night!" Too loud even at times when Siyeon prefers silence. 

A cawing sound was what  Siyeon heard after. Somewhere not too far and she roamed her eyes around the cramped room, hoping to see something that would set her mind off what's been bugging it. Her eyes landed to the slightly opened window. The gap was just enough for Siyeon to see that it's almost morning outside, the sun was about to rise. 

When she walked a little closer, she marveled with the image of a black specie on the window. A crow and it's resting. Its eyes are carnelian in color, feather pitch black. And it was staring right at her. As if it was telling her something. 

_ Beautiful _ . 

"Siyeon! Come here!" It was once again Bora who pulled her out of her trance and for a few seconds, she felt sort of lost. "You're missing the best part!" And the smaller girl giggled. " Yoohyeon had sex on the first date!" 

Siyeon winced very subtly. Fingers fidgeted nervously and she can already taste copper at how hard she's been biting the inside of her cheeks. She looked up and her eyes meet  Yoohyeon's eyes.

Yoohyeon was smiling from ear to ear. 

She pulled the sleeves of her top down so it could cover the words she knew nobody should see, to muffle the voices nobody should hear. 

She can see it bleeding. 

\--- 

_ "So Siyeon likes you?" Minji asked the younger girl in a bored tone, disinterested.  _

_ Yoohyeon _ _ heaved a sigh then nodded. She was 15, barely knowing and a confession was not something she would appreciate at that given time frame.  _

_ Siyeon has been her best friend since she was four. They were too alike. Two sisters, one mind.  _

_ Sisters. _

_ That's it. It was never more than that. She can't be so sure.  _

_ When Siyeon stood before the door of her room, with flowers in her hand,  _ _ Yoohyeon's _ _ initial reaction was shock and denial and anger and she shove Siyeon away.  _

_ "Do you like her?" It was Minji once again, writing something on the paper. A student body writes a lot, in fact.  _

_ Yoohyeon _ _ was quick to say "no". Fast enough to even think about it. Fast enough to even notice the pair of eyes staring right at her with sadness from behind the bookshelves.  _

_ Hidden.  _

_ Siyeon have always been hidden. _

_ \---  _

Now, in her twenties,  Yoohyeon feels smarter. She grew up to a fine woman, beauty and brains. And she enjoys life to the fullest. She has a loving family, a wealthy life, loyal friends and a nice boyfriend who she was about to meet to do god knows what. 

There's surely nothing more she could ask for. 

Nothing. 

_ \---  _

  
_"I hate it when you do that!"_ _Yoohyeon_ _yelled confusing Siyeon who was unsure of what she has done wrong._

_ "What did I do?" The voice was small, almost whispering and it annoyed  _ _ Yoohyeon _ _ more.  _

_ "Stop following me around! Some of my friends thinks you're a creep!"  _

_ Siyeon processed the words because there are a lot. "I'm not a creep."  _

_ Her voice sounded like she was about to cry. She sounded broken.  _

_ "Well, I sure do feel that you are."  _

_ Yoohyeon's _ _ words are like knife to her chest, jabbing her repeatedly without  _ _ actually killing _ _ her. _

_ "Stop making me feel uncomfortable, Siyeon or I'll leave you." _

_ \---- _

Seated alone inside the cafeteria,  Yoohyeon roamed her eyes around looking for a face she knows by heart. Siyeon will soon be with her to help her study for the upcoming exam. The wind was a bit colder and the sky must be in the mood to cry. It's almost six in the evening and it's getting dark. Good thing Siyeon lives within the campus so she can always sleep at her place if she decided that it's too late for her to go home by herself. 

It wasn't too long since she started scrolling down her phone when a commotion caught her attention from outside the cafeteria. In front of the College of Science, specifically. She tried to shrug it off. It was never her thing to meddle with other people's businesses. Maybe she'll ask Siyeon about it later since the older girl is from the same department. 

_ "A girl is on the rooftop!"  _

_ "Is she planning to jump?"  _

_ "Oh god. That girl is very weird."  _

Yoohyeon's ears perked up out of curiosity and as if instantly, Bora was messaging her, asking her where she was. The hair at the back of her neck stood up and she have never moved so fast in her life as she heard a frantic screaming from outside. 

_ "Somebody _ _ ,  _ _ save her!"  _

_ "She's almost falling!"  _

Yoohyeon nearly tripped trying to run so fast, paving the crowd, bumping, shoving, pushing people away. She didn't care. There's only one thing in her mind. 

**_ Siyeon _ ** . 

She fumbled with her phone, dialing the said girl's number as she  climbs the stairs. This is not happening. This can't be happening. 

"Siyeon! Where are you?" 

"Up." 

Yoohyeon stopped in her track. "What are you doing up? Come down now. We're studying, remember?"  Yoohyeon heard another frantic screaming and she ran even faster. 

"What am I to you,  Yoohyeon ?" 

When  Yoohyeon heard the words, she was already standing before  Siyeon who was still wearing her uniform, her arms stained with blood, wounded with deep slits,  horizontl , vertical from any direction,  bare footed . "What... what do you mean?" She swallowed while carefully moving toward the older girl, scared of what she might do if she gets too close. "You're my Siyeon, remember?" 

"That guy. You said you don't like him. You said you were just pressured to date him because of Bora and  Gahyeon -' 

"That's the truth!" 

"You slept with him!" Siyeon was already crying, phone pressed against her cheeks as she continues to move back. "And you enjoyed it." 

"Please. Let's talk about this, Siyeon." 

Yoohyeon was already trembling. She's almost kneeling before Siyeon, begging her to stop moving or she'll  fall from the 13th floor. 

"I've always followed you around. You shoved me away when all I ever did was be nice to you." There is anger in  Siyeon's voice. Despise, pain, sadness. They have piled up. "You were ashamed to introduce me to your friends just because they told you I'm a creep and you agreed with them! I've known you my entire life and I never talked badly about you." 

"I'm so sorry. I was young back then. I get easily influenced by people, please understand me." 

Siyeon heard nothing as she placed one foot over the gutter. 

"Did you ever try to understand me, though? Were you ashamed to befriend a woman liking another woman?" 

"That's not it! Please come down. I'm begging you." She felt her windpipe clogging up and she was having a hard time to think. She slowly crawled to Siyeon, gently, trying not to scare her away. 

"I love you,  Siyeon . Please. I can't live without you." 

Siyeon let out a small laugh, turning around to face the nothingness of concrete to step on. 

"Will you be with me if I don't jump here?" The question was cruel, Siyeon knew she wouldn't be able to answer. She has a lot to think about. She was in fear. She was scared. She tried to mutter  something, but nothing left her mouth. "You won't, right?" 

The last image she had of  Siyeon is one that would never ever leave her mind, etched at the back of her head. 

  
She can still hear the words she told her through bated breath. 

.   
.   
.   
.

"I love you,  Yoohyeon . Always." 

And she was  **_ gone _ ** .


	2. AUBURN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> i'm actually enjoying writing this and i don't know what to feel about it. read at your own risk, i repeat. thank you.
> 
> i'm on twitter as @minjiyoo

_ Grief /n./ - deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.  _

"Do you want to come with us tonight?" 

She paused, eyes looking up to Bora who was standing near her desk cautiously. The class just  ended, and the latter just took the courage to talk to her after days of letting her be, letting her handle things on her own. For her own sake. The question sank a little later than she expected, and she blinked quite a few times before hurriedly fixing her things, putting her books in her bag. 

" Yoohyeon , you need to start moving on." 

The suggestion is unwelcome. Something  Yoohyeon wouldn't want to hear. She faced Bora as she stood up abruptly. She wanted to say something, but her mind was not able to construct anything so quickly other than, "I need to go home early." 

She took steps away from Bora, huge ones. She held her bag on her chest like she was securing something. Mayhap, her sanity. 

"It's  Siyeon's last wake." 

She has a lot of information in mind. Some of them she can't even remember properly. She ignored the older girl and walked out of the room as if she's being chased, she never looked back. 

\--- 

  
_Secret /n./ - something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others_

She nearly tripped on her own feet, trying her best to have a steady pace. Her eyes are roaming around, searching for any onlookers. Hugging her bag tighter, she ran toward the gate of their house, the metal ringing with how it was shut close. 

" Yoohyeon ," On her way up the stairs, she saw a glimpse of her brother stirring a cup of coffee. "Your friends went here asking if you're going to  Siyeon's last wake." 

Not here too. 

_ Not here.  _

"I'm not." Her voice was low, almost hushed and she saw how her brother eyed her with pity. She shrugged it off. Heading to her room in haste. 

\--- 

_ Illusion /n/ - a thing that is or is likely to be wrongly perceived or interpreted by the senses  _

The room is dark. The sun can be seen setting down from its trone up there. She felt as if she  has entered a different dimension. There are no eyes to judge her, no people to pressure her. Just her and the solace she was longing to have.

She plopped, face first, on her bed after locking the door. She's thinking hard about anything, everything.

Things are fine. Things have been fine.

With her bag within reach, she sat. Her uniform having a couple of creases, reminding her that this is the real world. She's in the real world.

Opening the bag, she pulled out a pouch, black in color. There's a bitter taste in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick not because she's disgusted but because she can't help the smile in her face reading the  embroidered letters on the pouch, italic.

Yoohyeon felt sane but at the same time, she felt like losing her mind.

**_ "Lee Siyeon". _ **

She stood up carrying the pouch like her life depended on it. She entered the bathroom, securely locking the door once. 

Then again and again.

\---

_ life /n. _ _ / - _ __ _ a period _ _ that a person is alive _

Turning around, she poured the content of the pouch on the sink. It has toothbrush, toothpaste, make-ups and other personal belongings of its owner.

She paced around the room. Back and forth. She bit her nail as she thought of something, just anything. When she saw herself in the mirror, her thoughts  spiraled .

_ Who is she? _

She spun around, unsure. Grabbing the toothbrush and placing some toothpaste on it, she walked toward the tub, heaving a loud sigh, gathering her courage and her wit.

She can absolutely do it.

And she's doing it right.

\---

_ Ragged /adj./ - wearing tattered clothes _

The curtains are  unmoving, and the bathroom is  silent . She slowly moved the curtains aside, muttering a chant she  has no idea where she got.

Dark orbs met hers and shivers ran up her spine. Her knees buckled and she swallowed a huge lump in her throat. She counted,

one.

two.

three.

She waited for a reaction, a word, perhaps but the only thing she can hear is her uneven breathing. She knew she have a lot to worry  about, but she can worry about it in a later time. 

This time is her time.

And a smile paints her lips, the widest since that day.

"Hi,  _ Siyeon _ ."

\---

_ Doll /n./ - an unbreathing human like figure that is often used as a toy for children _

She knelt beside the tub and reached out her hand to one of  Siyeon's . Her skin is ice cold against hers. It feels like she's dead but  Yoohyeon know she isn't. 

Her eyes are empty but never leaving her face.

"Were you lonely without me?"

The other girl blinked and  Yoohyeon let out a small laugh, kissing the tips of  Siyeon's fingers. She remembered the toothbrush she was holding and gave it to Siyeon.

The grip was loose, lifeless. 

Yoohyeon sighed but she can't stop smiling. "You want me to brush your teeth instead?" She giggled. "Alright then."

Siyeon blinked once more.

The older girl is seated in her tub. One hand is on her side while the other is held by  Yoohyeon . Her skin is  pale, but she looks beautiful, still. There are no other movement from her aside from the constant blinking.

No  _ breathing _ .

At all.

Once done brushing  Siyeon's teeth,  Yoohyeon wiped her face, noticing the huge mark on her head covered with her bangs. There are tiny scratches on her face, the side of her lips cut but all  Yoohyeon could think of is how beautiful she is naked before her.

She sat at the edge of the tub and had  Siyeon's head pressed on her chest, hugging her.

She played with her hair, humming softly to a song Siyeon would always sing to her.

"I promise, I won't let you go."

_ Never ever,  _ _ Siyeon _ _. _

**Author's Note:**

> this will be a multichaptered fanfic of siyoo which will not be about flowers and unicorns and candies. 
> 
> i'm on twitter as @minjiyoo


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